What Did He Say??
“Medical language is replete with blizzards of linguistic and conceptual confusion.”
Author Unknown, but not Unwise
(Observation)
Yeah, and sometimes it just gets mean . . .
“Medical language is replete with blizzards of linguistic and conceptual confusion.”
Author Unknown, but not Unwise
(Observation)
Yeah, and sometimes it just gets mean . . .
(As told to a patient): “As an obese woman, you will likely outlive your obese spouse. You’ll have a difficult time establishing new relationships, because most men are completely negative to obese women. Let’s face it. If your husband dies tomorrow, who would want you?”
Dr. Terry Bennett
New Hampshire
“Going through a natural opening – such as the rectum or vagina –
to get to the gall bladder, is being looked excitedly at by a lot of people.”
Dr. Marc Bessler
Natural Orifice Surgery Consortium
(Sounds like a real hoot of a fraterity)
“A man comes running into the E.R. and yells, “My wife’s going to have a baby in the cab!”
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the woman’s dress and started removing her panties. Suddenly I noticed there were several taxis out there, and I was in the wrong one.”
Dr. Mark McDonald
San Antonio Texas
“Our family physician reports that in the early years of his practice he had a woman come into his office with a baby. He was able to determine right away that the child had an ear ache, so he wrote a prescription for eardrops. In the directions he wrote, ‘Put two drops in the right ear every four hours.’
Several days went by and the woman returned with the infant, complaining that he still had pain in his ear, and now his little bottom was getting really messy from all the oil.
The doctor examined the child’s bottom and then reviewed what he had written on the prescription. Put 2 drops in the R ear every 4 hours.”
Dave Larkin, RN
Redwood City, California
“At the beginning of my shift I used my stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female with asthma, listening to her anterior chest. ‘Big breaths,’ I instructed.
‘Yes, they used to be,’ the patient replied.’”
Dr. Richard Byrnes
Seattle, Washington
“A chance to cut is a chance to cure.”
(A common surgeon wisecrack)
to get to the gall bladder, is being looked excitedly at by a lot of people.”
Dr. Marc Bessler
Natural Orifice Surgery Consortium
(Sounds like a real hoot of a fraterity)
“A man comes running into the E.R. and yells, “My wife’s going to have a baby in the cab!”
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the woman’s dress and started removing her panties. Suddenly I noticed there were several taxis out there, and I was in the wrong one.”
Dr. Mark McDonald
San Antonio Texas
“Our family physician reports that in the early years of his practice he had a woman come into his office with a baby. He was able to determine right away that the child had an ear ache, so he wrote a prescription for eardrops. In the directions he wrote, ‘Put two drops in the right ear every four hours.’
Several days went by and the woman returned with the infant, complaining that he still had pain in his ear, and now his little bottom was getting really messy from all the oil.
The doctor examined the child’s bottom and then reviewed what he had written on the prescription. Put 2 drops in the R ear every 4 hours.”
Dave Larkin, RN
Redwood City, California
“At the beginning of my shift I used my stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female with asthma, listening to her anterior chest. ‘Big breaths,’ I instructed.
‘Yes, they used to be,’ the patient replied.’”
Dr. Richard Byrnes
Seattle, Washington
“A chance to cut is a chance to cure.”
(A common surgeon wisecrack)
“I was caring for a woman once and asked, ‘So how’s your breakfast this morning?’
She replied that it was pretty good except for the godawful Kentucky jam. I took a look at the small packet lying next to her toast. It was K Y Jelly.”
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf
Detroit, Michigan
“I remember once I was under the care of a couple of medical students who couldn’t diagnose a decapitation.”
Jeffrey Bernard
“First he gave me the good news. He said I was about to have a new
disease named after me.”
Steve Martin
“The New England Journal of Medicine reports that nine out of ten doctors
agree that one out of ten is an idiot.”
Jay Leno
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